i love me like this. // me quiero así.

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this poem came to me the other night while i was looking at pictures of myself. i can’t say that i’ve hated who i am, but there have been many times when i’ve looked into the mirror and not liked what i’ve seen. but that’s been changing.

i like myself, most days. i love my curly hair and my round nose. they tell the story of where i come from. i love the little birthmark that sits on my nose, and the big one on my leg, el antojo, that looks like a big coffee stain. maybe God was drinking coffee when he was making me. i like myself, because i am beautiful. i am walking poetry. i love myself, with or without the pounds i’ve lost.

i love myself like this, because this is who i am. this is how i was made.

i love me like this.

i love me like this,
with the night in my eyes
and the cinnamon moon
that sits atop my nose.
i love me like this,
with my wild and untamable curls,
who only listen to the wind.
i love me like this,
with my skin that matches
the café con leche i love to drink.
i love me like this,
with my poetry and without her;
with the words i feel
and the words i’ve kept to myself.
i love me like this,
light and free;
because this is who i am,
this is who i was made to be.
me quiero así.
me quiero así, con mis ojos color noche
y mi nariz redonda
y la luna de canela que vive sobre ella.
me quiero así,
con mi pelo rizado e indomable
que solo se deja llevar por el viento.
me quiero así,
con mi piel del mismo color
del café con leche
que me gusta tanto.
me quiero así,
con mi poesía y sin ella,
con las palabras que siento,
con las palabras que callo.
me quiero así,
mágica y única;
porque así soy,
porque así me hicieron,
porque sí.

you are here.

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i thought i was chasing you,
but you are the one chasing me,
telling me you love me
when you paint the sky
with pink and amber,
with the soft kisses of raindrops on my forehead
and the promises that hide in rainbows.
i thought you were hiding,
but you are everywhere,
turning flowers into love songs
and the sky into a love letter.
you are here,
making everything around me lovely,
making everything beautiful,
making me stop in my tracks,
making me stop chasing what’s always been mine.

a list of the things my soul forgot.

this day last year, i went to my old high school to speak about my book. and i walked by my old classrooms and through hallways that once upon a time seemed wide. but last year, my soul found that it had grown too big, too lovely, too brave and bold and bright for those old hallways. i walked through those halls believing i was made for bravery and freedom.
but today, it seems like i have forgotten. so i wrote a poem to remember.

a list of the things my soul forgot:

i am still brave
i am free
i am beautiful
i have hope
i am redeemed
i am alive
and my story is still being written
i am worth more than the words i write
and i have worth even when i cannot write
and i am also worth more than the sun
and the moon
and the stars
i can dream
i am not perfect and it is okay to struggle
because even though i don’t deserve grace
it is mine
i am lovely
and i am loved
and even if i forget the truth
that doesn’t change that
it is still true.

fighting waves // a freewrite

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i haven’t written here in five months. last August i wrote about my words, and how they felt far away. they still do. i think i let myself get overwhelmed and lost in the busyness. but i don’t want to be like this. i don’t want to drown. i will fight the waves. today, fighting the waves looks like this little piece.

i miss myself.
i miss my words.
they used to flow like a river.
and now, it feels like i’m in a drought.
i feel lost, and i hate feeling lost.
i don’t want to be lost. i don’t want to be like this.
i don’t want to feel heavy and tired and worn.
i don’t want to drown.
i have swam for so long, and i am so far away.
so far away of who i was, by grace.
but far away of who i want to be.
but i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves.
i will look for joy and for loveliness.
i will make my days count.
i will let grace rain over me
and let it cover every fault.
i will fight the waves,
fight my fears,
the pain,
the sadness,
the words that escape me
and hide.
i won’t hide, i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves
and swim home.

something beautiful.

somethingbeautiful

make your life
something beautiful.
something filled with watercolor
sunsets and sunrises and bits of magic
and smiles
and uncontainable laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and fill it with endless nights
bursting with dreams
and fill your life with love
and wildflowers
and songs of hope.
make your life
something beautiful
and plant grace and joy
in the gardens of your soul
and make your dreams bloom
and take your feet
to where they’ve never been
and find your home.
make your life
something beautiful
and fall in love
with the little things
like singing birds
and raindrops
and laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and live wildly,
without fear,
with only wonder and light
and love and joy.