i love me like this. // me quiero así.

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this poem came to me the other night while i was looking at pictures of myself. i can’t say that i’ve hated who i am, but there have been many times when i’ve looked into the mirror and not liked what i’ve seen. but that’s been changing.

i like myself, most days. i love my curly hair and my round nose. they tell the story of where i come from. i love the little birthmark that sits on my nose, and the big one on my leg, el antojo, that looks like a big coffee stain. maybe God was drinking coffee when he was making me. i like myself, because i am beautiful. i am walking poetry. i love myself, with or without the pounds i’ve lost.

i love myself like this, because this is who i am. this is how i was made.

i love me like this.

i love me like this,
with the night in my eyes
and the cinnamon moon
that sits atop my nose.
i love me like this,
with my wild and untamable curls,
who only listen to the wind.
i love me like this,
with my skin that matches
the café con leche i love to drink.
i love me like this,
with my poetry and without her;
with the words i feel
and the words i’ve kept to myself.
i love me like this,
light and free;
because this is who i am,
this is who i was made to be.
me quiero así.
me quiero así, con mis ojos color noche
y mi nariz redonda
y la luna de canela que vive sobre ella.
me quiero así,
con mi pelo rizado e indomable
que solo se deja llevar por el viento.
me quiero así,
con mi piel del mismo color
del café con leche
que me gusta tanto.
me quiero así,
con mi poesía y sin ella,
con las palabras que siento,
con las palabras que callo.
me quiero así,
mágica y única;
porque así soy,
porque así me hicieron,
porque sí.
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you are here.

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i thought i was chasing you,
but you are the one chasing me,
telling me you love me
when you paint the sky
with pink and amber,
with the soft kisses of raindrops on my forehead
and the promises that hide in rainbows.
i thought you were hiding,
but you are everywhere,
turning flowers into love songs
and the sky into a love letter.
you are here,
making everything around me lovely,
making everything beautiful,
making me stop in my tracks,
making me stop chasing what’s always been mine.

hope. // another freewrite

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i am still here, fighting the waves. fighting for my words.

facebook reminded me today of some words i wrote last year. when i wrote them, i was thinking of a friend going through a hard time. and today when i read them, i thought of myself.

“hope lives in you, too. hope hides underneath your skin, reminding you that this winter of yours is only a season. reminding you that you are not who you’ll be. that you will bloom. that the daylight will make your soul its home. hope is in your bones, reminding you that you are still here. that you are still alive. that your life is waiting for you to grab it by the shoulders and shake it.”

hope is mine. it lives in me, even when it feels like i lost it. hope is mine, because my soul craves it every day. this winter is not the end. my life hasn’t ended. my heartbeat is a song of hope. every time my heart drums, it tells me i am still here. i still have hope.

even when i don’t think i do. even when i can’t find my words. even if i feel lost and small. even if the waves are too strong and i can’t fight them. even when joy hides a little too well from me.

love is on his way. hope is on his way. He will knock on the doors of my heart, and sit on the chairs of my soul. and He will wipe my tears, and call me redeemed and beloved. he will make it rain, and the spring my heart longs for will come.

“and as you wait for your winter to end, celebrate. celebrate that you are still here. that your heart is still beating. that beauty is everywhere you look. celebrate the flowers that are growing down the street. look at them, and marvel at their simple beauty. at the way they reflect their maker. at the way the reflect glory and hope and grace. take one and put it in your hair.”

but in the meantime, i will celebrate. i will celebrate my smallness, even when i don’t want to, because my smallness leaves room for grace. i will celebrate the beauty around me and inside me. i will let the daylight in. i will place flowers on my head, symbols of beauty and glory and grace.

and hope.

something beautiful.

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make your life
something beautiful.
something filled with watercolor
sunsets and sunrises and bits of magic
and smiles
and uncontainable laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and fill it with endless nights
bursting with dreams
and fill your life with love
and wildflowers
and songs of hope.
make your life
something beautiful
and plant grace and joy
in the gardens of your soul
and make your dreams bloom
and take your feet
to where they’ve never been
and find your home.
make your life
something beautiful
and fall in love
with the little things
like singing birds
and raindrops
and laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and live wildly,
without fear,
with only wonder and light
and love and joy.

open windows.

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my bedroom is the foremost room in my house.
it has the only window with a view. a nice one, anyway.
when i look out my window, i see the sky and cable lines and palm trees and my mother’s garden.
it’s not very often that i look out my window.
there is always something that steals my attention.
but today, i looked outside.
birds were sitting on the cable lines and singing.
the sun was bright.
the sky was blue.
hummingbirds jumped around the flowers.
every flower was in bloom.
it was a lovely, lovely sight.

when i opened my window, i let the daylight in.
the light entered my room and made it bright.
and that beautiful view stirred something inside of me.
it inspired a new poem.
it inspired me.
it reminded me that there are always beautiful things to see.
that there are good things waiting for me if i want them.
if i open the windows of my soul, Light will come in and make everything beautiful, like He always does.
inside my soul, there can be fear and doubt and mistakes and feelings of inadequacy and darkness.
but when i open my windows, i let the Light in.
i let Light chase away my darkness.
my mistakes. my shame. my pain.
when i open my windows, i let hope and grace and bravery in.
i let them make my soul their home.
and my life turns more beautiful.
my life turns into something i cannot make on my own.
it turns into freedom.
it turns into art.

let’s look out our windows more often. there are so many  beautiful things our eyes miss. let’s let the light in and let it show us what we can’t see. let’s find beauty and hope when we look outside.