A Rainbow of Choices

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Last year, I’d been trying to get God to speak to me. To tell me what He wanted me to do. I wanted Him to answer me clearly. I wanted Him to make his will really obvious to me. I prayed to Him so hard about college, about staying home or studying abroad. I wanted Him to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life. I wanted Him to tell me how He wanted me to serve Him. I wanted his answer to be crystal clear. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

And He was silent.

He was silent, and I was frustrated. How was I supposed to move forward?

I talked to my friend Jennie about this. (She’s smart. And talented with words. I love her. A lot.) And she told me this:

“Freedom can be scary but it’s also beautiful. And if we always knew the answers and what steps to take, we’d have no need for faith and trust. So remember this: Seek Him first. Don’t get frustrated when He isn’t making it black and white because He’s given you beautiful colors in your rainbow of choices. Seek Him, acknowledge Him. Talk to wise counsel. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you. Remember too, this is your choice, this is your life.”

And then, all of a sudden, lightbulb moment. The reason God was silent is because He has given me freedom. He wants me to glorify Him freely. I am free to worship him in the way my heart desires. I am free to live out my art.

Writing poetry. Making gabydoodles. Singing. Encouraging people. Blogging. Going to college here in Santo Domingo. Going to college in the United States. What I do doesn’t matter. I am free to live out my art.

Listen, friend. Stop waiting for God to make things clear for you. It might not happen. It might not happen because He’s already made things clear. He’s given you freedom. God doesn’t really care about what you choose to do as long as it gives Him glory. As long as it points back to Him, you’re free to be you. He won’t leave you alone. He won’t forsake you. But He will give you freedom. He will make you brave. He’s going to let you go places you’ve never been before. He’s going to let you do things you haven’t done yet. He’s going to give you the desires of your heart. But He won’t tell you. He’ll let you find out for yourself.

And that is awesome. And scary. But mostly awesome.

But it’s freedom. And it’s yours. And it is the opportunity to try new things, to take chances, to fall in love with things you didn’t know before. It’s freedom. It means you can go and take a leap of faith and do what your heart’s been aching to do. It’s freedom. It means that you don’t have to settle for a life in black and white. It’s freedom. And it means you have been given a white canvas and an endless palette of colors to paint your life with.

It’s freedom. It’s a rainbow of choices. And it’s yours.

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Brave {a poem}

do you know how many
people walk their way
through life never wanting
to be more than what they
are, never giving their selves
the chance to open their
hearts and be bold and
risk it all? do you know
how many people don’t
write the stories they want
to share, the poems they want
to write, the songs they want
to sing, the art they want
to make? do you know how
many people deny their selves
the opportunity to be brave, the
chance to be bold, to live in
bright colors instead of black
and white? do you know how
many people live in a cage,
afraid to love, afraid to live,
afraid to hope, afraid to feel,
afraid to be? do you know
how many people don’t let
their souls be vulnerable and
beautiful and wonderful? i
hope you’re not one of them.

brave, my poem

Friend, don’t waste your life thinking that you’re not good enough to chase your dreams, to do what you were made to do, and to be who you were meant to be. You are a wonderful creation, beautiful and bold and bright. Made to do great things. Made to reflect Glory. Made with wonder. Don’t give up on who you are. Open the doors of your heart and step out. Leave the darkness behind and step into the light. Go be wonderful. Go be amazing. Go be brave and bold. Go.

Someone Like You

Hey, I see you. I see your heart. I see your eyes. And in them I see light. I see a spark dying to set the world on fire. I see your fear. I know you’re afraid of being vulnerable. You’re afraid of being judged. You’re afraid of being rejected. You’re afraid of not being good enough. And so, you keep your heart and your soul and your passions and talents and dreams hidden somewhere they’ll never be found. I see that. And I know you can’t keep on living like this. I know your heart can’t take it. I know you sometimes cry yourself to sleep because of this fear that’s eating you alive.

But friend, you need to know the world needs you.

This world needs people who want to encourage others. This world needs people who want to change it. This world needs beautiful souls. This world needs light. This world needs hope. This world needs to know it’s loved. This world needs people to shine in the darkness. This world needs people that makes others want to dream. This world needs someone like you.

Someone who makes beautiful art with her hands. Someone who writes gorgeous poetry. Someone with a soulful voice. Someone with words to encourage. Someone who takes beautiful pictures. Someone who inspires bravery. Someone who writes stories. Someone who writes songs. Someone who moves others to dream. Someone who brings out the good in others. Someone with a servant’s heart. Someone who sings songs of hope. Someone who makes others feel beautiful. Someone who writes the truth that will set others free. Someone with healing hands. Someone who shares their story. Someone who makes others laugh. Someone who takes care of others. Someone who loves. Someone who lives out what they were made for.

Someone like you.

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Because you matter. Because you were made for more. You were made for more than hiding in fear. You were made to bring glory to Who made you. You were made to dream. You were made to live out those dreams. You were made to bring light to the world. You were made to make beautiful things. You were made to share hope. You were made to spread love. You were made to soar. You were made to love. You were made to be you.

Because this world needs someone like you.

My Words

I’ve spent the majority of my short eighteen years on Earth believing lies about myself.

I believed I wasn’t beautiful. I believed I wasn’t special. I believed I wasn’t important. I believed I didn’t have anything to share with the world. I believed I didn’t have any worth at all. I believed I wasn’t worth forgiving. I believed I couldn’t follow my dreams. I believed I couldn’t change the world. I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t believe in my words. I didn’t believe in what the God that made me said about me.

I’m learning not to believe in those lies anymore. I’ve chosen to listen to the voice of truth. The voice that says that I am special. The voice that says my words can change the world. The voice that says “I made you. You are my special possession. I made you, fearfully and wonderfully.” Sometimes it’s hard not to believe the lies, especially on days when things don’t come out right. But I’m learning that even when it doesn’t seem that way, truth is still true.

And truth is, I have a voice. And I have words to write and words to say. And I’m going to spend my life writing those words and singing them and screaming them at the top of my lungs.

I’m going to write poetry that makes you smile. I’m going to write words that remind you of how worthy, how amazing, how loved, how brave you are. I’m going to use my words to inspire, to bring light to the dark places. I’m going to make art with my words. I’m going to reflect glory with my words. I’m going to encourage you with my words. I’m going to love you with my words. I’m going to point you to Love with my words. I’m going to embrace the wonderful creation that I am by using my words. My words will not be marked by fear. My words are going to be brave. I’m going to be brave with my words.

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The amazing community that’s shown me to be brave and live fearlessly is the fabulous #fireworkpeople community. It’s a group of wonderful, beautiful women choosing to pursue their dreams and encourage one another. They love, they inspire, they are changing the world with their words. They’ve helped me see my worth, my bravery, and they’ve helped me acknowledge the fearfully and wonderfully creation that I am. They even made me share a video of myself singing. Care to join? You won’t regret it.

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So long, fear: a letter

Hey fear. I think we should call it quits. I’m done with listening to you. I’m done with your little voice telling me that I cannot chase my dreams, that I cannot be myself. I’m done with you telling me that my soul can’t soar, that it can’t fly, that it can’t be who it wants to be. Fear, you’re getting in the way of me and my dreams. You say you’re trying to keep me from getting hurt. You think playing it safe is the better choice. You say you’re protecting me from getting my heart broken. You say you’re protecting me from facing rejection. But fear, you’re drowning me; you’re suffocating me. You’re not letting me live. And I cannot longer live my life pretending that I’m okay, that I’m doing what I love, that I’m completely happy with who I am, that I am doing what I was made to do, when you and I well know that this isn’t who I was meant to be. I’m not settling with this so-called life. You’re not stealing my joy. I’m not holding back. I was made for more, fear. And you’re not stopping me.
So long, fear.

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