fighting waves // a freewrite

fightingwaves

i haven’t written here in five months. last August i wrote about my words, and how they felt far away. they still do. i think i let myself get overwhelmed and lost in the busyness. but i don’t want to be like this. i don’t want to drown. i will fight the waves. today, fighting the waves looks like this little piece.

i miss myself.
i miss my words.
they used to flow like a river.
and now, it feels like i’m in a drought.
i feel lost, and i hate feeling lost.
i don’t want to be lost. i don’t want to be like this.
i don’t want to feel heavy and tired and worn.
i don’t want to drown.
i have swam for so long, and i am so far away.
so far away of who i was, by grace.
but far away of who i want to be.
but i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves.
i will look for joy and for loveliness.
i will make my days count.
i will let grace rain over me
and let it cover every fault.
i will fight the waves,
fight my fears,
the pain,
the sadness,
the words that escape me
and hide.
i won’t hide, i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves
and swim home.

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something beautiful.

somethingbeautiful

make your life
something beautiful.
something filled with watercolor
sunsets and sunrises and bits of magic
and smiles
and uncontainable laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and fill it with endless nights
bursting with dreams
and fill your life with love
and wildflowers
and songs of hope.
make your life
something beautiful
and plant grace and joy
in the gardens of your soul
and make your dreams bloom
and take your feet
to where they’ve never been
and find your home.
make your life
something beautiful
and fall in love
with the little things
like singing birds
and raindrops
and laughter.
make your life
something beautiful
and live wildly,
without fear,
with only wonder and light
and love and joy.

thank You // a thanksgiving poem

image

because the sun shines
and the sky is blue
and spring always finds its way
after the winter is through
because hope is alive
and the birds always sing
because there is rain
and because there are rainbows too
because i can write and sing and love
and feel
and this heart of mine beats
because grace is always there for me
because You hear me
because there are always
beautiful things to see
despite all the brokenness
because there was a yesterday
and there is a tomorrow
because You remain
because You are here,
with me.
thank You.

open windows.

openwindows3

my bedroom is the foremost room in my house.
it has the only window with a view. a nice one, anyway.
when i look out my window, i see the sky and cable lines and palm trees and my mother’s garden.
it’s not very often that i look out my window.
there is always something that steals my attention.
but today, i looked outside.
birds were sitting on the cable lines and singing.
the sun was bright.
the sky was blue.
hummingbirds jumped around the flowers.
every flower was in bloom.
it was a lovely, lovely sight.

when i opened my window, i let the daylight in.
the light entered my room and made it bright.
and that beautiful view stirred something inside of me.
it inspired a new poem.
it inspired me.
it reminded me that there are always beautiful things to see.
that there are good things waiting for me if i want them.
if i open the windows of my soul, Light will come in and make everything beautiful, like He always does.
inside my soul, there can be fear and doubt and mistakes and feelings of inadequacy and darkness.
but when i open my windows, i let the Light in.
i let Light chase away my darkness.
my mistakes. my shame. my pain.
when i open my windows, i let hope and grace and bravery in.
i let them make my soul their home.
and my life turns more beautiful.
my life turns into something i cannot make on my own.
it turns into freedom.
it turns into art.

let’s look out our windows more often. there are so many  beautiful things our eyes miss. let’s let the light in and let it show us what we can’t see. let’s find beauty and hope when we look outside.

still brave.

today marks six months since A Song of Bravery was released.
the days and weeks and months that followed were full of joy and excitement and just about every existing emotion. i loved waking up to find comments and reviews and book royalty reports.
i felt happy and accomplished. my bravery, my decision to be true to who God made me to be, was being rewarded.

and slowly, with time, the excitement began to dissipate. comments and reviews and book sales were less frequent. college became more demanding and i found myself with less time and creativity to write new poetry. i’ve told you before that i tend to place my worth and my identity in my words, and this season of my life was not an exception. i was discouraged. i felt sad that i was unable to make new art. whenever i managed to get a few words out and write what i considered to be a decent poem, it felt like it was the best day of my life. that’s how bad it was.

and yesterday i sat down to read my book. i felt encouraged and inspired as i read my own words. i read those verses a thousand times when i was putting the collection together. but yesterday i didn’t see the string of words i’d grown accustomed to reading when i looked for typos and mistakes. i found hope and joy in my very own song of bravery. i remembered who i was.

and i asked myself, “am i not still brave? if my words were to be taken away from me, wouldn’t i still have worth? wouldn’t i still be enough? am i not still brave?”

the answer to all of those questions is yes.

yes, i am still brave. yes, i am still enough. yes, i am still worthy. because, oh my soul, you are more than your words. you are more than where you place your worth. you are more than your dreams. you are still brave because you choose to hope. you are brave because you have chosen to believe in your Maker. you are brave because you are still here, because your heart still beats. because you still wonder at the beauty your eyes see. because you haven’t lost all of your joy.

my soul, you are brave. your bravery isn’t big. it doesn’t shine. your bravery maybe goes by unnoticed. but it is there. between your heartbeats. inside your bones. in your glittering eyes.

yes, i am still brave. because i no longer walk with shame and fear. i walk with a head that is lifted high. i walk with grace, the same grace that erased who i used to be. yes, i am still brave. because i am not who i used to be.

i still sing my song of bravery. the melody and the words have changed, but the brave heart is the same.