hope. // another freewrite

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i am still here, fighting the waves. fighting for my words.

facebook reminded me today of some words i wrote last year. when i wrote them, i was thinking of a friend going through a hard time. and today when i read them, i thought of myself.

“hope lives in you, too. hope hides underneath your skin, reminding you that this winter of yours is only a season. reminding you that you are not who you’ll be. that you will bloom. that the daylight will make your soul its home. hope is in your bones, reminding you that you are still here. that you are still alive. that your life is waiting for you to grab it by the shoulders and shake it.”

hope is mine. it lives in me, even when it feels like i lost it. hope is mine, because my soul craves it every day. this winter is not the end. my life hasn’t ended. my heartbeat is a song of hope. every time my heart drums, it tells me i am still here. i still have hope.

even when i don’t think i do. even when i can’t find my words. even if i feel lost and small. even if the waves are too strong and i can’t fight them. even when joy hides a little too well from me.

love is on his way. hope is on his way. He will knock on the doors of my heart, and sit on the chairs of my soul. and He will wipe my tears, and call me redeemed and beloved. he will make it rain, and the spring my heart longs for will come.

“and as you wait for your winter to end, celebrate. celebrate that you are still here. that your heart is still beating. that beauty is everywhere you look. celebrate the flowers that are growing down the street. look at them, and marvel at their simple beauty. at the way they reflect their maker. at the way the reflect glory and hope and grace. take one and put it in your hair.”

but in the meantime, i will celebrate. i will celebrate my smallness, even when i don’t want to, because my smallness leaves room for grace. i will celebrate the beauty around me and inside me. i will let the daylight in. i will place flowers on my head, symbols of beauty and glory and grace.

and hope.

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