fighting waves // a freewrite

fightingwaves

i haven’t written here in five months. last August i wrote about my words, and how they felt far away. they still do. i think i let myself get overwhelmed and lost in the busyness. but i don’t want to be like this. i don’t want to drown. i will fight the waves. today, fighting the waves looks like this little piece.

i miss myself.
i miss my words.
they used to flow like a river.
and now, it feels like i’m in a drought.
i feel lost, and i hate feeling lost.
i don’t want to be lost. i don’t want to be like this.
i don’t want to feel heavy and tired and worn.
i don’t want to drown.
i have swam for so long, and i am so far away.
so far away of who i was, by grace.
but far away of who i want to be.
but i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves.
i will look for joy and for loveliness.
i will make my days count.
i will let grace rain over me
and let it cover every fault.
i will fight the waves,
fight my fears,
the pain,
the sadness,
the words that escape me
and hide.
i won’t hide, i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves
and swim home.

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