yesterday, i went back to the school i graduated from last June to speak about my book. i was nervous and anxious and afraid, but as my feet walked down those familiar hallways, my soul found that it had grown. my soul became too big and lovely and brave, too bold and bright for those old hallways. my soul could not squeeze itself and fit in those narrow halls anymore. and i didn’t notice until the moment i walked down those hallways that i am not who i was.
and if i had to guess why i didn’t notice, it’s because i am becoming who i’m meant to be. my high school years were dull and maybe a little bit empty. it’s not that i didn’t enjoy myself or have fun during those years, but i knew i wasn’t who i was made to be. the atmosphere i was in and the people i was surrounded by didn’t make me feel safe. i didn’t feel free to be brave, to find what i loved, to find what made my heart beat. i didn’t feel free to be free.
it wasn’t until graduation and the start of college that i began to unfold. i let God whisper to me, to my heart. i let him tell me the words he’d been telling me all along. i let myself listen. i let myself explore and uncover the art he put in me. i began to do what i loved.
and i changed. i became outspoken. i made new friendships. i began to be brave. i pursued a deeper relationship with God. i became free to be who God made me to be. i let myself fall and sink into God, into the creation he made of me, and it felt right. it felt so right and natural that i didn’t even notice. unfolding and turning into who i am feels effortless.
and i still fear. i still have to choose bravery and vulnerability over fear every day. my knees still tremble and my throat turns dry and i mess up my words and i forget what i want to say sometimes but it feels a million times more right than hiding behind masks and comfort zones and safety.
find what makes your heart beat. listen to God’s voice. let him speak to your soul, and let yourself listen to his words of freedom. choose bravery. don’t fear vulnerability. let the world see the gold you keep in your heart. let yourself bloom. set your soul free. and keep your eyes wide open, because you might not even notice when it happens.