Last year, I’d been trying to get God to speak to me. To tell me what He wanted me to do. I wanted Him to answer me clearly. I wanted Him to make his will really obvious to me. I prayed to Him so hard about college, about staying home or studying abroad. I wanted Him to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life. I wanted Him to tell me how He wanted me to serve Him. I wanted his answer to be crystal clear. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
And He was silent.
He was silent, and I was frustrated. How was I supposed to move forward?
I talked to my friend Jennie about this. (She’s smart. And talented with words. I love her. A lot.) And she told me this:
“Freedom can be scary but it’s also beautiful. And if we always knew the answers and what steps to take, we’d have no need for faith and trust. So remember this: Seek Him first. Don’t get frustrated when He isn’t making it black and white because He’s given you beautiful colors in your rainbow of choices. Seek Him, acknowledge Him. Talk to wise counsel. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you. Remember too, this is your choice, this is your life.”
And then, all of a sudden, lightbulb moment. The reason God was silent is because He has given me freedom. He wants me to glorify Him freely. I am free to worship him in the way my heart desires. I am free to live out my art.
Writing poetry. Making gabydoodles. Singing. Encouraging people. Blogging. Going to college here in Santo Domingo. Going to college in the United States. What I do doesn’t matter. I am free to live out my art.
Listen, friend. Stop waiting for God to make things clear for you. It might not happen. It might not happen because He’s already made things clear. He’s given you freedom. God doesn’t really care about what you choose to do as long as it gives Him glory. As long as it points back to Him, you’re free to be you. He won’t leave you alone. He won’t forsake you. But He will give you freedom. He will make you brave. He’s going to let you go places you’ve never been before. He’s going to let you do things you haven’t done yet. He’s going to give you the desires of your heart. But He won’t tell you. He’ll let you find out for yourself.
And that is awesome. And scary. But mostly awesome.
But it’s freedom. And it’s yours. And it is the opportunity to try new things, to take chances, to fall in love with things you didn’t know before. It’s freedom. It means you can go and take a leap of faith and do what your heart’s been aching to do. It’s freedom. It means that you don’t have to settle for a life in black and white. It’s freedom. And it means you have been given a white canvas and an endless palette of colors to paint your life with.
It’s freedom. It’s a rainbow of choices. And it’s yours.