I became a college student this month. I’ve been learning what the real world is like. And this month hasn’t been the best. It’s been stressful and long and tiring. I don’t remember the last time I’d felt so weary. So tired. I’ve learned what being an adult looks like. I’ve been busy trying to leave my procrastinating ways behind, getting out of my comfort zone, using an ATM, taking taxi cabs every day, meeting new people, making friends, trying not to miss my high school friends, being brave…. I’ve made many changes in such a short period of time. I’ve been so busy trying to be successful and to get everything right, and when it doesn’t happen, I end up angry and frustrated with myself. And in this new season, I’ve forgotten to be still. To relax. To breathe. To abide in my Savior. To be quiet and to listen to His whispers. To grace myself.
I’ve forgotten that I’m in a new season of my life. I’m going to make mistakes, and that is normal. It’s okay. I’ve forgotten that sometimes being brave is hard. That things won’t always run smoothly, and that is fine. I’ve forgotten to grace myself. I’ve held myself to a standard of perfection, and unsurprisingly, failed. I’ve forgotten to love myself.
This Sunday, it all came tumbling down. I felt tired and weary and I didn’t feel good at all with myself. As I got ready for church, I decided I’d wear the first thing I could find. I didn’t feel pretty, nor was I in the mood to dress up. [Truthfully, I wasn’t even in the mood for worshipping.] But then the little sassy [and smart] girl inside of me said, “No. No. No. You are going to find your prettiest blouse, you are going to let down your hair, you are going to put on the brightest shade of lipstick you can find, you are going to wear your heels and you are going to look great.”
And so I did.
Friend, the change I felt in my spirit was almost instant. I saw myself in the mirror and I liked what I saw. My smile grew a little bigger. I felt happy. And I felt so pretty. I felt confident and brave and beautiful and smart and all the words in the dictionary. And I know that it wasn’t just the makeup or the nice clothes that gave me that boost I needed. It was the fact that I’d chosen to love myself. To be kind with myself. And friend, I invite you do the same. I don’t know what you’re going through. But as you go on through this crazy life, be kind to yourself. Don’t get frustrated when things don’t go the way you planned. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Love the brokenness, because it will be made beautiful. Don’t forget to be still and have some time for yourself. Buy yourself some flowers. Get your nails done. Spend time with Jesus. Get a new haircut. Go to the movies. Go on a walk. Buy a pretty dress. Make art. Write. Get some froyo. Take a nap. Do something that will make you happy. You deserve love, especially from yourself. Go and #treatyoself.