i love me like this. // me quiero así.

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this poem came to me the other night while i was looking at pictures of myself. i can’t say that i’ve hated who i am, but there have been many times when i’ve looked into the mirror and not liked what i’ve seen. but that’s been changing.

i like myself, most days. i love my curly hair and my round nose. they tell the story of where i come from. i love the little birthmark that sits on my nose, and the big one on my leg, el antojo, that looks like a big coffee stain. maybe God was drinking coffee when he was making me. i like myself, because i am beautiful. i am walking poetry. i love myself, with or without the pounds i’ve lost.

i love myself like this, because this is who i am. this is how i was made.

i love me like this.

i love me like this,
with the night in my eyes
and the cinnamon moon
that sits atop my nose.
i love me like this,
with my wild and untamable curls,
who only listen to the wind.
i love me like this,
with my skin that matches
the café con leche i love to drink.
i love me like this,
with my poetry and without her;
with the words i feel
and the words i’ve kept to myself.
i love me like this,
light and free;
because this is who i am,
this is who i was made to be.
me quiero así.
me quiero así, con mis ojos color noche
y mi nariz redonda
y la luna de canela que vive sobre ella.
me quiero así,
con mi pelo rizado e indomable
que solo se deja llevar por el viento.
me quiero así,
con mi piel del mismo color
del café con leche
que me gusta tanto.
me quiero así,
con mi poesía y sin ella,
con las palabras que siento,
con las palabras que callo.
me quiero así,
mágica y única;
porque así soy,
porque así me hicieron,
porque sí.

you are here.

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i thought i was chasing you,
but you are the one chasing me,
telling me you love me
when you paint the sky
with pink and amber,
with the soft kisses of raindrops on my forehead
and the promises that hide in rainbows.
i thought you were hiding,
but you are everywhere,
turning flowers into love songs
and the sky into a love letter.
you are here,
making everything around me lovely,
making everything beautiful,
making me stop in my tracks,
making me stop chasing what’s always been mine.

let’s be.

let’s be love letters
written to broken hearts
with words of kindness, of grace,
of hope.
let’s be love songs
that play over and over,
that echo in every soul.
let’s be shoulders to lean on,
open wide arms,
open wide hearts.
let’s be lights
that lead each other home.

a list of the things my soul forgot.

this day last year, i went to my old high school to speak about my book. and i walked by my old classrooms and through hallways that once upon a time seemed wide. but last year, my soul found that it had grown too big, too lovely, too brave and bold and bright for those old hallways. i walked through those halls believing i was made for bravery and freedom.
but today, it seems like i have forgotten. so i wrote a poem to remember.

a list of the things my soul forgot:

i am still brave
i am free
i am beautiful
i have hope
i am redeemed
i am alive
and my story is still being written
i am worth more than the words i write
and i have worth even when i cannot write
and i am also worth more than the sun
and the moon
and the stars
i can dream
i am not perfect and it is okay to struggle
because even though i don’t deserve grace
it is mine
i am lovely
and i am loved
and even if i forget the truth
that doesn’t change that
it is still true.

hope. // another freewrite

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i am still here, fighting the waves. fighting for my words.

facebook reminded me today of some words i wrote last year. when i wrote them, i was thinking of a friend going through a hard time. and today when i read them, i thought of myself.

“hope lives in you, too. hope hides underneath your skin, reminding you that this winter of yours is only a season. reminding you that you are not who you’ll be. that you will bloom. that the daylight will make your soul its home. hope is in your bones, reminding you that you are still here. that you are still alive. that your life is waiting for you to grab it by the shoulders and shake it.”

hope is mine. it lives in me, even when it feels like i lost it. hope is mine, because my soul craves it every day. this winter is not the end. my life hasn’t ended. my heartbeat is a song of hope. every time my heart drums, it tells me i am still here. i still have hope.

even when i don’t think i do. even when i can’t find my words. even if i feel lost and small. even if the waves are too strong and i can’t fight them. even when joy hides a little too well from me.

love is on his way. hope is on his way. He will knock on the doors of my heart, and sit on the chairs of my soul. and He will wipe my tears, and call me redeemed and beloved. he will make it rain, and the spring my heart longs for will come.

“and as you wait for your winter to end, celebrate. celebrate that you are still here. that your heart is still beating. that beauty is everywhere you look. celebrate the flowers that are growing down the street. look at them, and marvel at their simple beauty. at the way they reflect their maker. at the way the reflect glory and hope and grace. take one and put it in your hair.”

but in the meantime, i will celebrate. i will celebrate my smallness, even when i don’t want to, because my smallness leaves room for grace. i will celebrate the beauty around me and inside me. i will let the daylight in. i will place flowers on my head, symbols of beauty and glory and grace.

and hope.